I had a day off today. Although I had decided not to do special this morning, I couldn't stay still in my room, so I went to AEON as usual. There, I sent some LINE messages to my friends. When I was young and had serious troubles with others about communication, I thought that trying to be so logical could rule anything. But, as you know, people trust their emotions initially - in other words, I was too young.
Once, I couldn't understand why they obeyed their emotions, even though I had been controlled by my emotions, especially my desire (in particular, really horrible, awful delusion toward women as I have written in these journals). Now, I can see that basically, I am an animal, therefore I have to be attracted by that kind of emotion. But, there was no elderly guy who could have guided me about that topic (sorry if this sounds too controversial).
I went to enjoy a building that had an exhibition of art. After that, I went to a used bookstore. There, I found an anthology of Sigmond Freud, who had been the author a friend had recommended to me. So, I bought that. Maybe, Freud will guide me about my desire and unconsciousness. TBH, I have never read any of Freud's works therefore I need to go back to this kind of classical works.
This afternoon, I went to a temple in this town to see an elderly friend again. We talked about my issues for a while. Once, when I met that friend, I tried to write a memo about his comments. But today, I decided not to write anything, but to let myself talk as freely as possible (like water floods freely from the upper position to downward). I have been struggling with this desire, which has moved me to see/love almost every woman's plump figure.
He is a trustable priest/monk, so once I thought that he must be free from that kind of desire (especially, any material desire). However, he taught me that he has that desire in himself, therefore he is just a human being like me - but this fact doesn't say that he is just an ordinary guy. He must have been walking in front of me. After that, I went back to my group home. Another friend and I used LINE to discuss the issue I have written above.
