BGM: Spacemen 3 - I Love You
This morning I thought about how to draw each boundary between the outer things and me properly again. Although every advice I receive must be precious, I need to think that their opinions are just THEIR ones, which therefore need to be tuned to use them properly by myself with a certain responsible stance.
About this, a friend sent me a LINE message that recommended me doing massage to ease my mind. It seemed nice and actual for me because I have learned that the physical pleasure of moving my body (by doing exercises such as walking, swimming, etc.) can ease my mind too. My body and mind are connected to make a great combination as this self. I have also remembered the legendary discussion between Japanese authors Yukio Mishima and Osamu Dazai.
This city's international association sent me a LINE message to notice that another new English conversation class will start next month. So, I sent this news to the staff of my group home to ask if I could enjoy that. But, why do I keep on learning English? Thinking about this, I have to go back to my traumatic, lonesome days when I had to struggle with miscommunication. At that period, I was almost within an inner battlefield or jungle... that has even caused me to enjoy this kind of activity too much.
Yes, a certain/clear esteem need for approval within me... Probably I would live this strange life (maybe this, literally "stranger than paradise" life as in Jarmusch's movie) with this struggle. But now, as I have written in these journals, a lot of friends/mates are now choosing me as a friend of theirs, even though I am as a clear fact just a poor old dude (with a perverted mind).
This evening, I enjoyed a Zoom meeting with my friends. There, I did a presentation about teachers I have met throughout my life. Yes, a lot of teachers... now I am going to be in my 50s, and starting to understand what the teachers I have met would think in their minds with sympathy. Although they couldn't be any "perfect" people like Superman or Wonder Woman, they have given me a lot of clues to survive this life. Thinking about that, I have been impressed by their heritages that remain in my mind.
