This morning, before I saw my doctor, I had attended the ZOOM meeting via Facebook as usual. We talked about the bad habits we tend to have. For example, watching (even gazing) our smartphones, like that. Luckily, it can be related to the topic I wanted to tell the doctor.
At the meeting with my doctor, I brought a paper which my job coach suggested me to fill. It certainly worked well, and I could talk about my thoughts better than usual (even though I can't say it was the best meeting I had never had). The doctor taught me to do some exercises as stretching. And also, he said bathing before sleeping could work better. All we could talk about were those things, and it took about 15 minutes (too short?).
And the afternoon, I went to a temple in my town to see a friend who works as a priest. We talked about my own problems. I confessed a lot to him. For example, I have never been in love (and I am still virgin), and it could work for me as distorting my point of view toward any women because I am heterosexual. Therefore I had written in this journal that it (the "cherry, totally innocent dude" mind) can have been alive as a beast which has been waiting for me to release it.
We talked about the addictive mind in me, and also the desire toward any female people too. It was really complicated for me to "shorten" or "clarify" the things/opinions he said to me, but it could be that I should try to observe that awful desire with having no fear in my mind. Try to understand the desire, instead of avoiding owning it - then, I could see how it actually/practically works in me. I have accepted his ones as this. I really appreciate his kindness.
During the meeting with him, I had kept on writing my English memo which contained what he was saying to me. He found out that, and taught me that I could try to "understand" what he was saying, and it was interesting for him. Maybe I had to "feel" his opinions by my body, not by my brain.