This morning, I read Susumu Nishibe's book "The Structure of Nihilism" [西部邁『虚無の構造』] and thought about Nihilism. In my opinion, Nihilism can mean living a life without any principles basically, therefore an amoral life. Yes, NOW I can understand that kind of life has desperate content, but the problem is: How can I find any belief to live this modern (or postmodern) life? Nishibe's book criticizes this topic with his marvelous, pretty rigoristic logic.
As I have been writing in these journals, once I lived this life without any policy - or I should say I even tried to throw any policies away completely to live on. Maybe because at that time I was a terrible heavy drinker and could think about nothing but drinking. Yes, it must have been a pretty hard time - and also, I had been influenced by some people's opinions such as "In this time, there must be multiple truths, therefore you must not have any single principle" like that.
According to my life history, although this can't have any clear logical evidence, I think that you need a certain belief to live your life. Maybe that can be no logical policy that can be verbalized - personally, I have been attracted by this idea. I trust the things this body has been whispering, as Bruce Lee said to us "Don't Fight It, Feel It". Of course, I sometimes disobey those feelings because of the clear rules in this society (therefore I don't do shoplifting or any other crimes), but ALWAYS I have to face the distortion between my honest feelings and the outer world's rules.
This afternoon, after taking a nap, I went to a park in my town to enjoy watching the flowers of wisterias. There, I thought that once when I had been a silly student (and an anarchist) I just had no interest in the outer world's precious beauties as these flowers. Of course, books must be crystals of wisdom and therefore have their greatness. But also, this real world can have its precious value for us to live -maybe this is also a policy of mine, even though no books have taught me this kind of message - Although I enjoy great human art, I also want to enjoy this real world's various art by this enigmatic nature, with the feeling of "being hugged" by something greater.
