While working this morning, I thought about this issue. What can the word "smartness" mean? How can it be described/explained? Once, I had been told by my classmates that I must have been an idiot, a strange "freak". Therefore, I even blamed myself "Why am I so dumb, so stupid as this? Why am I so strange?". That emotion of guilt finally drove me to a certain wish for death.
But, the time has passed certainly - and eventually, my inner child/self has gotten to be proud of myself, even though I have to admit that I am never a genius. At least, for me, many friends of mine are so brilliant that I want to praise them as true geniuses. About me, as I have written this many times, I have just been an ordinary person who loves reading books, and also listening to Jazz music.
Although I am not a genius, I believe that I have a certain freedom of speech, a right to tell my opinion - So I say this. For me, the true, genuine smartness can mean this. It can be "shared" with others - therefore true smartness means an "open" resource to make this world better. At least, that kind of talent shouldn't be used as a tool to beat/defeat someone else by its greatness.
I can't see if I am smart - Should I see that? Whether I am a wise guy or a fool, I do what I believe they're right, and that's enough. You might think I'm lying, but I say a truth of mine - there must be greater people than me, even though they haven't been from any great universities such as Tokyo, Keio, or Waseda. Probably, from the 40-year-old age when I met my friends for the first time, my sense actually has been changed/updated as this.
I remember - a friend of mine must have great smartness, and once when I met her for the first time I even had a certain envy for that talent. What a fool I am! I must learn that her smartness can work hurtfully for her, as my autistic talent actually works terribly for me. Even now, I need to be careful with that blindness/foolishness in me, therefore (as you know!) I am not smart enough to understand other people and/or the real world.
