This morning, while I was working, I thought about how I could have accepted this current situation. As it has been... Once, I had certainly thought that it was shameful for me to accept it as mine because it was simply too miserable, too terrible. TBH, as I have mentioned in this journal, I have been working at a department store but I am not such a great person with any great post. I am an uncool person, therefore not living this life without any brilliant shining - even though I can live this one with love.
Once, I tried to live a cool virtual life on the internet, information society. I even tried to pretend as a cool charisma who knows (and can even predict) everything. But, maybe from 40 years old when I met my current friends for the first time, I eventually started trying to accept this self intimately, even though the real self of mine must have been a tiny, basically foolish one. Also, I started trusting my hunch/inspiration which has always guided me sincerely.
Today, I noticed that the "World Autism Awareness Day" is coming. Oh... When I had to accept this self as an autistic one, I couldn't find any hope for my future. If I accept so, then I have to give up life as a normal one who can enjoy various "orthodox" pleasures. At least, when I had been diagnosed as autistic, I had thought so. But now, I can feel that the situation around me has been changing actually. Now, the ethics in our society have been painted by the colorful concept of "diversity", especially "neurodiversity".
Indeed, that must be fine I guess. But, in my opinion, I wish that the concept "of autism" will start doing its function as a booster for troubled people to push their lives forward. In other words, I hope that the concept, of that label, starts working for us to make believe "we can be proud of ourselves!", but not to become "we must be the greatest ones because we are just autistic!" (these are quite different from each other.) Be yourself, but stay modest - this paradoxical motto is the one I have been trying to keep in my mind. Now, I feel happy because I am being myself without any serious conflict in me.
