BGM: Ken Ishii "Extra"
A really cold day. I read Andy Clark's "Being There" bit by bit. Suddenly, I thought of the question "where is my mind?". Once I had this kind of idea during reading a book on brain science. That time, I reached the conclusion that says "my mind is everywhere". It exists in the relationship between my brain and the flesh outside of me. Just like that the internet network exists not within any central computer but within the relationship between various computers. And I got the same conclusion from this reading too.
I got a LINE message from the staff of my group home. It is the invitation to the 5th vaccination. I have to be careful with my health condition because I have to encounter many many people, so I decided to do it. But when will this kind of struggle end? I can't remember the fear or the struggle in my mind with the first vaccination. I might have to read the diary I wrote at that time. Days go by soon, really soon... the past goes far away from me. That is life?
I read an interesting article on the internet, and I thought about how I could accept my autism. How could I do so? Me, I had a really strong negative feeling as "I am ultra miserable" and "why am I like this?". That made me down more. Connected with a self-help group, and started living in a group home... now I can use the system of job coaches. These connections with others let me accept my autism (or the whole of myself) and get a certain confidence in myself. I admit this. Indeed, I read some books to learn about autism but I guess connecting ourselves with others can make us heal.
This year I watched a drama (even though I have never watched it completely) "Extraordinary Attorney Woo". It is a drama that describes an autistic genius lawyer, and it asks us the question if autistic people are "valuable" in our society (it might also mean the question of why people should be divided as autistic or not by their character). I am also autistic. But even autistic people can work well if they get various proper supports. I believe so. Yes, you may say that I have a handicap, but I believe I can shine. Without that wish, I can't live this life anymore.
