BGM: OPUS III - I Talk To The Wind
This morning I went to the library to borrow two books. The one is the collection of Junichiro Tanizaki's romantic letters to two women (『谷崎潤一郎の恋文』) and the other is a deeply philosophical one (小林康夫『存在とは何か』.) After that, I went to AEON to read them. These books suggest me what kind of interest I am having now - although this can sound really brutal, I am actually thinking how enigmatic "women" are, and also how great this world itself is.
On Discord, today I wrote a post/comment as an answer to the question "why do you study philosophy?". Yes, this is an interesting question, therefore I have thought about it as honestly/diligently as I can. For me, the philosophical questioning/thinking is simply/absolutely just "unstoppable", or I should say it is "inevitable". I can't tell the reason why, but from my viewpoint the idea must come from somewhere nice (maybe from the unconsciousness in me, or from God? Higher self?).
Even though I tried to read any books I had brought to there (AEON,) I couldn't read anything so at last I decided to give up, and I started writing the English memo on my memo pad as usual (Yes, although I am just a Japanese, I write my memo mainly in it. I can't tell you why I can write my memo in English like that.)
After that reading/scribbling time, I started my work. During the working time, I had thought this idea (I also can't tell you why I had such a ridiculous piece of idea.) It was this - At last, I have arrived the great/absolute state of mind. My life might be completely empty and meaningless. But, even though that can be true, as I have written above, I won't stop learning/studying philosophy in my own, personal way.
Yes, I can't have achieved anything as any crystal from my life - but I won't stop reading Ludwig Wittgenstein, and also won't stop writing like this. "You may say I'm a dreamer" is the famous line John Lennon had written. As it says, I am a dreamer, and you see I am just an ordinary worker. Yes, nothing special - but I can get satisfied with this state/stage. That kind of "fullness" is a key to be a happy state of mind for me.
