BGM: The Chemical Brothers - Let Forever Be
TBH... I need to clarify the tasks I am having because of my autistic mind. Simply, it often drops the things I have to keep in my mind. For example, I need to answer to the message I have got from a friend of mine on WhatsApp. I can even forget the duty of writing this journal if I am busy... My mind has been always messed up. As I introduced in this journal, I have been using an app of my smartphone to manage my tasks. But, recently I am finding that it can be bothersome to me to tap. Just single tap can be bothersome for me. Oh my goodness!
This kind of autistic mind... but it says an unbelievable truth. It also keep on saying/whispering to me always that I should write the next piece of my novel. Probably you don't have any interest in this topic, but it seems anything else can be interesting to me to write on. So I decide to write about this... I have to throw away my ambition which had always kept on whispering to me that I could bring brand new thing into the literature world. Because, once I was a diligent pupil of literature, I had thought that I could be genius. Now, I try to throw that idea away as crap. I need to rely on the efforts I will be able to put on every day, not such an enormous ambition.
I attend the morning Facebook meeting on ZOOM in English. It is really happy for me to be able to understand that doing efforts can be a kind of pleasure which certainly works to my mental well. Even though I can't have written my novel every day, I have been trying to write my English memo always to add new ideas to it eventually. Today, a friend on the discord server "DJT" presented me a correction file of my novel. I really appreciate it.
If I should say something to myself honestly as an advice, it would be "don't try to be a good writer because that kind of ambition always had ended as crap in your life". I just try to do silly, wasteful things to enjoy this moment. I try to be a free one.
