Back To Life

Back To Reality

2022/03/14 English

Today I went to Judith's room on clubhouse in the morning. Judith makes me the time for reading journals out. I always read them thinking "Is this English OK?". Today I read the part of a woman on clubhouse who had trouble with English. If I speak English without any texts, I always speak awkward English like Tetsuro Degawa. It's no beautiful or clean English. But I believe that I can deliver something if I speak by heart, not my head. Too optimistic? Anyway, I had a pleasant time.

I listen to Spitz, Supercar, Fuji Fabric. Or Mouse On Mars. Ah, this world is full of nice music. I read Rei Nagai's "The philosophers in water" again. This book by Rei Nagai told me that I, this eccentric person, can be in this world. Sometimes I have strange ideas as "Was big bang a fart of God?" and am embarrassed because of this strange brain. But her book tells me that in the philosophical field there are more funny and cute people. Music and philosophy tell me these kinds of cuties and sweets.

I read Kazushi Hosaka's "Breakfast on glass". Ah, once I tried to write about love although I couldn't understand what was it. And about fashion and... I tried to write about the things that didn't suit me. In other words, I tried to write an 'ordinary' novel. Kazushi Hosaka told me that 'extraordinary' novels can have their tastes. Friends praised my novel 'a blue car'. But I have no confidence in it. No problem. I write because I want. TBH in a part of my mind, I have the thought that it could become popular...

Oh, I once tried to copy Haruki Murakami completely. I also adored Kazushi Hosaka... In other words, I tried to be someone else. Now I have friends who accept me as this person. They accept my nonsense as 'a fart of God'. So I want to write on and won't be afraid of being myself. If we were too free, we couldn't find what to write... a famous paradox. But that free situation would make me write something new... Ah, sorry I became too arrogant!