Back To Life

Back To Reality

2022/03/22 English

A good weather today. Ah, I remember my drunk days. I could go nowhere so felt defeated and drank a lot of alcohol, and just wished I could die soon. I really wanted to die. I strictly believed that I must not be born. I told this to Judith on WhatsApp for no reason, but I couldn't stop so. Judith sent me a message. "Thank you for being you". I cried a little. I have never known that I can be myself. I always denied that I could be me. Or other people told me I shouldn't be.

I want to read any guidebook of Heidegger's "Being and Time". I have never been trained in any disciplines of philosophy so I must not be able to read the real "Being and Time" (TBH I have read just one volume of that of Iwanami bunko). Does the reading of Heidegger change my life? The important is that I have to make my way of philosophy by myself (although it is childish). The truth I have learned from Wittgenstein is that I have to find the original way of philosophy, not copying his style (even if I sometimes have to 'steal' from him).

What is the purpose of this life? I'm looking for realizing using Job Coach and making the system for autistic people little by little. I will keep on doing it. If I have optional time, I watch movies and read books (mainly philosophy and literature) and am trying to make my original philosophy. I remember my past days. I was truly a living dead and out of order. Now I have a certain mission so am happy. It was quite a long way. Yes, a long way. In half of that way, I almost die with nonsense. But the important period begins from now.

In the night, I had nothing to do so tried to read Yoshikichi Furui, Kenichi Yoshida, and Kazushi Hosaka. I can find something even if I had read those authors' works a few times. Yes, it's interesting but I also think that I should touch on fresh authors' works. I want to read Yusuke Norishiro. I feel that the reason I can't be satisfied with might be the fact that I have never been able to find any authors and musicians I can get into. According to Pizzicato Five's song, "This world has a lot of 'catchy' and 'happy'". I want to look for it.