Back To Life

Back To Reality

2022/03/20 English

I read Kazushi Hosaka's "Conversation Piece". Sekikawa Natsuo says this novel is like Yasujiro Ozu's movies. I thought that this was like Hirokazu Koreeda's ones. Both have the same point as showing the free and active conversations of the people who are living with honesty and responsibility as themselves (although I have not watched both directors' ones severely). In "Conversation Piece", the outsiders are proud of their lifestyle and talk about them like Hosaka's past novels. I'm also an outsider so have a certain sympathy. Very straight and strong novel.

I'm writing a novel "Blue Car", and thought that I should remember my childhood memories. I won't say that I should remember the trauma of being bullied when I was a child. Even if it might be good but I want to write about a certain sense of wonder of encountering this world I had mildly. Maybe the reason I think so is that Kazushi Hosaka and Spitz have such a sense of wonder and they won't lose it.

Today was the day of the meeting about autism we have monthly. Because of the corona, we had it as an online one on ZOOM. I talked about my Polydipsia and public image. Judith said that I have a "beautiful mind" and I felt guilty because I made silly lies and stupid daydreams. Once my parents said that I was a tender child, but other children said that I was too wicked. I thought that I made lies to my parents so exactly had guilty. I remember.

A member said that the reason we can't clean our rooms might be because we could have a terrible experience in our childhood, quoting a YouTuber's opinion. That made me think that I still have the essence of childish character so I think of nonsense bullshit. When I go outside, I act and talk like an adult. But when I am alone in my room, I am haunted by the daydream as "I don't want to work anymore" or "I want to live by the basic income through my life". But tomorrow I will go to work. This shows that I have got progressed through my tough life. How about that?