BGM: Blur - Crazy Beat
Is this really what I have wanted to say? Maybe I am always thinking, questioning this... but I write something completely different when/if I start writing. Today, I started writing my first piece of novel. At least, I need a patience to writing it on because I have to rename the characters, and also rewrite its details. And also, I am finding that it has been becoming really chaotic because I can't concentrate writing one and only, straight plot line. If I try to write my co-worker's kindness, I suddenly start thinking how fertile her body figure is, and also I want to write what kind of tenderness she once showed me actually. Dear readers, this is autism. My brain always outputs such mess pieces of idea everyday.
My autism... I never be able to the author like Ryu Murakami, or Haruki Murakami. Because my thinking always goes to somewhere easily, and it suddenly comes to me again and again. In other ways, such random thinking style of mine has been making "me" sicken. And also, I don't have any "social" or "worthful" topics to write. All I am having is just my silly, tiny ideas. But those kinds of tiny ideas as this tiny myself can be important as any big ones I believe. Therefore I won't be afraid of writing those tiny truths of mine.
I am never a critic so I can't tell anything based on any great, professional theories. But... it might be a weird "youthful" novel even though main character (this myself) is already 48. I have been attracted by my elder co-workers' kindness even though she has already got her grandson... But does it have the worth to be read? I can't see.
This evening, My job coach and I had a meeting on ZOOM. The topic was the problem of my money management. And her eyes has been so keen and kind that she suggested me that it must come from my stressful life. We decided to record how my money has been draining from me to somewhere. I sent her the first piece of my "THINK TANK" (this is the title of my novel).