BGM: Vangelis - Chariots Of Fire
Today I worked early. After that work, I went to the library. Although I thought I would borrow a Japanese poet Shuntaro Tanikawa's poem collection, but forgot that I had already reserved Haruki Murakami's book "What I Talk About When I Talk About Running". The librarian told me about that, and I felt ashamed... but this can happen in an autistic life often. I borrowed that Haruki's book and tried to enjoyed reading until the time we have the English conversation class at 7 pm (I usually enjoy reading by using this kind of "brank" time). It seems that this book is a memoir by Haruki Murakami, who is a person who has tried to train himself by running. He tries to look back at his past days, and also explains how he has built himself/his attitude until now. TBH I don't train my body physically every day. All I do is just to walk toward a convenience store, so the people who train themselves in such a severe way seem like the ones from another world/dimension. By reading that, I thought I could learn how he had spent his life by writing and running. He keeps on his stoic/positive attitude every day, and I am attracted by that positive vibe of him. Should I train myself physically? Yes, it seems I can't keep on longer, everyday...
Reading this essays/memoir, I notice that he has chosen keeping on writing in his pace, obeying his own rules not competing/battling with others. I am impressed by his strong will, tough style. He shows how uncool he is. For me, He is a great writer/critic with smart mind/brain too. But he keeps on his modest attitude and explains he has trained himself actually by touching various things. He has experienced a lot of things in his life, and trained himself steadily. Like the episode of the days he had worked as a "master" of a jazz bar (it sounds a legendary episode). When he was in his 20s, he was just an owner of a jazz cafe. But one day, when he was watching a baseball game, he thought of writing a novel by himself. That was his debut novel "Hear The Wind Sing". After finishing it, he sent that to a publisher. It was praised well and at last published... and that was the beginning of his career. Ah, when I read this episode I wished strongly that I wanted to live the day like him. Someday "the day" will come, and my dream will come true... I waited for the day so long with drinking heavily. But nothing changed. I spent my days in vain... Sorry, I already wrote this yesterday.
Indeed, I am just an uncool old dude. An indoor, introspective, introvert person who likes enjoying music and reading my favorite books in my bedroom. I never have any will, any diligent attitude like Haruki. We shouldn't expect that any masterpiece could be completed one day instantly, immediately (at least, it must never be able to happen in "my life"). I understand that my favorite writers have been trying to train themselves everyday seriously/steadily, waiting for "the day" will come. Yes, in their life "the day" comes, and their talents explode... But is it possible to happen in "my life"? Although I tried to write another sonnet like yesterday, but... after writing it I felt satisfied with that certainly. I even felt upper/happier... But, by reading it with calm mind again, I felt deeply ashamed because it was like "a love letter we write at midnight (next day's morning, we must feel ashamed by what we wrote)". Oh my, this must be crap... just a graffiti. However, I just started the trial of writing/creating poems. I should train my body physically even though I won't run. I walk for while? In a park with Vangelis's music... His great soundtrack as "Blade Runner".
And the evening I went to the English conversation class. There, we talked about the hobbies we have. What kind of hobbies do we have/enjoy? I confessed my hobby. Reading and listening to. When I was a high school student, I met Haruki Murakami's book for the first time. From that event, I have enjoyed his books at various chances in my life... and other people also explain their hobbies. "What kind of hobbies can we enjoy reasonably (without costing money)?", "Your hobbies affect/interfere your life?", and "What hobby is the most/least popular one in Japan"? We talked those topics too. I couldn't say that kind of opinion I have. Reading? It is not cool for us to accept as a hobby... I would even pretend to be a cool person. We had teenage students in the class. They said to me "I just know Haruki Murakami's name, never read his books. Is it good?". Ah, what a generation gap (but I won't diss them. When I was a teenager, how could I have learned the modern Japanese literature deeply?). Staying to be myself is cool. After the class, I slept soon because I was tired. When will this rainy season end? Is Kyusyu area alright?
Untitled (for a trial of studying... or "Serial Experiments Again")
Once I thought my death for resting
That idea was like the songs of Sting
But trust me, that wasn't cause I was arresting
I just had believe that my life was a wasting
But now I'm feeling I'm getting strong
... NO! I'm still weak, I'm simply being wrong
This poem is for me a kind of protest song
For what? I don't know. I wanna ring a gong
A lot of "legendary bangars" in my mind, behind
This poem is a trial of making mine, I've signed
I wish you would get alive, and stay still kind
A sonnet is a style I've never enjoyed for a while
Can I offer this for you to read? Your mind would drive?
Yes, I'm naive. But I can't keep this within my file