BGM: Blur - Girls & Boys
Today I worked early. At lunchtime, I went to a bookstore, Miraiya Shoten in AEON and bought the one, Haruki Murakami's "The City and Its Uncertain Walls" at last. My mind got blank for a while. I remember that I have not waited for the release day of any new book for a while, recently. When was the last time I waited for that date? Getting used to every day's busy routine, my mind got too dry to dream any new books' release. Or, even about Haruki Murakami's novels, I couldn't expect his new one instead I choose to get satisfied with the past ones I have read a lot. Getting aged, my sensitivity changes like that. Certainly... so Haruki Murakami, who has colored my life until now has been the person who changes his style along with the era. And he is still running at the edge of the literature so I get impressed with his such attitude. How does this new book show his change or evolution?
Ah, my life... it was about the age I was 16, I tried to read the one by Haruki "Pinball, 1973", and after that I met "Norwegian Wood". It was the beginning of the relationship between me and Haruki. Once, at a certain period Haruki was a symbolic father. I certainly adored to be like him... At least, my motivation has been because I wanted to be like Haruki, who works outside from this country. By Japanese traditional idea, We have to experience a period of "copying" someone to get over that person. After that, we have to "destroy" that form of influence, and we also try to find our new and original style. Now, I guess I could have found my style. But I never will forget the things I have learned from Haruki.
TBH, nowadays I have been suffered from insomnia. I guess... I am certainly feeling strong anxiety in my life. If I stay in my room of group home, I worry if I am exactly disturbing the next person's rest. If I start working, I naturally care if my work is useful or I am hated by everyone. These ideas disturb my rest. Therefore I have to face insomnia, and can't work at my best. I never think that short sleeping is great. I want to follow Audrey Tang's life style. She controls her life and sleep enough to do her best. But I can't live like her. So this morning, having uncertain consciousness, I posted a new topic about Haruki's new one at the server by Haruki fans. I want to sleep.
This night, I attended the online meeting on ZOOM. A member presented a story about nature in Shiso City by walking along a river. By that presentation, I think about how the nature in Shiso can be beautiful and wonderful. I never noticed that... Once I thought that it must be nonsense to spend my life at this countryside, so I hurried my life to go out to Tokyo. Now I can find pleasure within this slow life in Shiso. It's a drastic change. After that, maybe short sleep suffered, finally I couldn't read "The City and Its Uncertain Walls" instead I fell into sleep. At some social media, we can read posting about this new book from the readers who finished reading. But I just want to read by my way, my speed. Reading as I like, and enjoying as I want. That kind of selfish attitude must be allowed because reading is such a free activity.