BGM: Nirvana - All Apologies
I feel that spring is certainly coming. Probably I have written this once, I don't like spring well. If it becomes warmer, that temperature disturbs my mind. I remember this. When I was a college student, I heard that the front person of Nirvana, Kurt Cobain, ended his life. I still think about this as "Oh my Gosh!". Indeed, their name "Nirvana" means heaven, but... I remember that Hideo Kobayashi, a legendary Japanese critic, once said "if the person died, they would become easy to understand". Because living people can change their minds freely. We can't say what they will think at the next moment. But if they die, their activities can be left as the completed ones, which have been cut off a lot of stems. Then, I say that Kurt Cobain must live toughly until 80s, or more. If he hated music, then I say he should stop it... he should live more "acrobatic" life freely. At least, it is too early to be a legend.
I'm writing my daily life with too cool decoration. TBH this computer seems to be almost died. I accept this fact because everything won't last forever. I have used this personal computer for a long time. Once I lived in a shared house at the beginning of my 40s. After that, I was invited by a person to live this group home, and tried to use the system of welfare of Himeji city... and now, I live in Shiso city. I guess that Shiso city had to accept me as an autistic person as the first case. It was quite an adventure, and I walked my life at the frontier, the road which no one has walked. This computer has been always standing by me through that hard road. I really appreciate it. Once, I thought that "if I had any trouble, I would rely on my parents". But I can't do that now, or I say I shouldn't do that. I do what I can do.
I remember that (my memory is too fuzzy) in this season of the past year Haruki Murakami released Mikal Gilmore's non-fiction "Shot In The Heart" by his translation. It was really a great book. I still can remember that once I read that book with Nirvana's unplugged live album. I want to read it again. We can't stay positive forever. Sometimes we need to be soaked into a negative thing to train our minds. I might have to read Truman Capote's "In Cold Blood" or Koutarou Sawaki's non-fiction books. Haruki will release his new one on the next month, so I want to read "Haruki only" with that "Shot In The Heart" and "Underground". It would be a great experience.
This evening, I went to the English conversation class. At there, this time two native teachers taught me how they live in this rural area in Japan as foreigners (we Japanese say this as "Gaijin"). And about the difference between American rural life and Japanese one. I learned that living as "Gaijin" must be hard. They look different in their appearance so people look at them with curiosity, which says they must be strangers. I can see that this countryside area has conservative atmosphere so they must have various difficulties in their lives. By the way, a female friend of mine made a LINE group for the members of this class. I also joined as a member. Next week is the final lesson so I would go to there with sweets. Maybe I will go to buy some at Daiso or Aeon... and I also thought LINE is already a "national" app!
