BGM: 小田和正 - ラブ・ストーリーは突然に
Today I worked late. This morning I tried to translate the questions about autism which a Russian woman had sent to me on WhatsApp into Japanese with a dictionary. I thought that I wanted to ask about this to a teacher of the English conversation class I have attended. I want her to confirm if I am making any mistakes through reading or translating from the third person's eyes. Of course, basically I want to try to solve this problem by myself. But if I make any mistakes, then it can become any fatal error. So I asked this to the teacher on LINE, then she said yes to me. I was glad to hear that... I want to do the best thing I can do. Although I can't see how her everyday life can be in Russia, I can't think that as a separated/unrelated thing with me. Because (as I always write) once I had to live alone with this autism in this town, suffered from loneliness... I sent the leader of the group about autism I belong via LINE. How can it be? I want to do my best.
And at the lunchtime, I shared a pic of sushi I had as lunch with that woman. I thought the country Russia beyond the vast sea. And I thought that it must be impressive because it must sound really impossible... I have never told this to my co-workers. Because it is really "impossible/unbelievable" story so they would never accept as a serious one (maybe they never know that I am from Waseda). That's life as Sinatra sings. Ah, when I was 33 I had to face the fact that I am autistic. And at 40 I started attending the meeting about autism. There, I met a person I am thinking/considering as "dear my teacher". I also fell in love with her daughter (indeed, it was just my one-direction thought).,. It had up and down as waves. Through those waves, I have trained my management of money, the spirit and lifehack for my job, the rhythm making of my life. I want to tell the Russian woman about this.
But... it is really, truly enigmatic. "Why could we meet on earth?". I remember that once I had thought this. "I have to spend this life till I will die alone, in this narrow, really small town"... Remembering that period's solitude, and thinking about that Russian woman, and I thought "I want to help her"... But I want to say this to you. I am NEVER a person who has warm/nice heart. I am just a creepy, wicked, twisted. A beasty, lusty pervert. A middle age lonely dude... this is a clear fact so I say this to you. But within that mind of mine I have traumatic memories of being bullied, and failed in job hunting. After those periods, I had to become a heavy drinker. I had to be suffered from traumatic events... these are also clear facts (But I guess that there must be a lot of people like me. They belong to the "lost generation").
This afternoon, during a break time, I read Dan SHAO's book a little. Indeed, I just read its beginning part only but it is really a great one. The author tries to explain the fact that Haruki had read Kurt Vonnegut and Richard Brautigan through "Japanese translation" (in other words, the Japanese by great translators' works). You can read a lot of opinions by various critics about Haruki's style. For example, "Haruki was the writer who has trained his style through reading a lot of American literature books as Chandler and Fitzgerald". But Dan SHAO's opinion stands on "another" stage so it is really thrilling. Dan SHAO is from China I heard. Maybe that backstage enables Dan SHAO to read this way as an outsider... No. I have to think about this again. Haruki's works are global. I am always welcomed by Haruki... so there must not be any "outsiders".
