BGM: Denki Groove - 虹
Today I worked late. This morning I read a collection of Mieko Kanai's short stories. I always listen to some music during reading books. Today I chose Oasis's "Champagne Supernova". As you know, this song has a part of the sound of crushing waves. Listening to that sound (and maybe because I had enjoyed a certain sweet nostalgies from Mieko Kanai's masterpieces), I thought I wanted to go to the sea. But I live in mountains so can never go to any sea. The sea... I remembered Shu Fujisawa's essays. Fujisawa once spent his days with going to see the sea without any purpose when he was young. No purpose, not for swimming, but just going to the sea and being impressed by its dynamic scenery. Then, I will go to see the mountains. Indeed, my life is surrounded by really great mountains. I want to be impressed or beaten by the nature, the greenery of mountains like Shu Fujisawa... Now I am reading books too much, and being possessed by tiny thoughts. I want to dive into the forests.
Listening to Oasis, I am getting into the "straight" and "great" sound they product. I am a person of Nirvana, Blur, Oasis, and Radiohead. I once thought it was miserable (but I can't see why I thought so... I might think myself too much). But now I won't hide it. Older generation said to me "where are they good?" and "they must be crap". But it is a clear fact for me that I have learned various things from Damon Albern and Noel Gallagher. Yes, they are wise and courageous... and that makes me think that I won't see new things as crap simply. Even they seem just some "reproductions" or "reprica" for me, I want to accept the fact that new generation see them as serious arts. I want to treat that serious attitude preciously. I want to make freedom in my mind like that.
After graduating from my university, I came back to this town... and I once felt that my life became totally crap. "I can never enjoy any funny things, and just wait for death in this as-hole town". I felt it was a duty to live in this town, so I drank a lot of alcohol. But, I thought "I would die soon if I keep on drinking in such a heavy style", so I googled and found the "danshu" meeting. After that, I started attending the meeting about autism, and joining Shiso International Association... and I could quit alcohol. I also start enjoying the English conversation class and meeting new people every day. I heard that various people come back to this town from urban cities (we say this as "U-Turn"). They try to make this town wonderful again. We say "If there is a will, there will be a way". The attitude of doing interesting things would gather other people or make miracle. I... I met a lot of people through this diary. And life still goes on. As Motoharu Sano, a Japanese rockstar says, "Beat goes on".
After having lunch, I enjoyed Fishmans again. I was deeply impressed by their technical playing. I have learned from Mieko Kanai and Fishmans that how important to improve the skill or technique. Not improving my character, but just the skill. Then, that skill would show my character straightly. Don't worry... and I read books and write my memo in English every day. I think about various ideas. On MeWe, I met a person who asked us that "I want to improve my English". I have no certain or proper answer to this. But all I can say is just doing practice and believing certain progress of ourselves are important. Speaking English is seeing the fact of delivering every phrase and every sentence in our conversations. That is a series of tiny achievement. Seeing those achievements can be a series of getting self-esteem. And that leads to improvement. English improvement, human improvement... this is just my opinion, but I believe like this.
