BGM: Rhymester "Life Goes On"
Today I worked late. This morning I watched the documentary "Turning Point" which is about the 9/11 attacks on Netflix. I thought it was quite remarkable. It describes and tells us how that terrorism could happen, and also teaches the drama among various people after that incident. I have learned from this that I should learn from history seriously because that incident came from the dangerous Cold War. I also have an interest in the fact that there were exactly the people who tried to act peacefully even if the nation was in an aggressive mood (in other words, America had exactly a certain diversity).
I read Motoyuki Shibata's "American Narcissus". Following the flow of American literature, he tries to think about the question of "who am I". I also think about that question after reading it. It is difficult to answer "who am I". Indeed, this myself is an exact answer, but I am not the person who I have known completely. I don't know about myself completely. Then, how is the person who others see? I guess that other people don't understand me completely. Then, nobody can know about me well. Therefore I am profound.
Starting the work and resting time, I listened to Green Day's song "Wake Me Up When September Ends" again. I remember how my life was by the phrase "Seven Years Has Gone So Fast". It has been over 20 years since I started my work. And after the attacks... Ah, time flies. It was even just a dream for me. What changed? I started trying to keep on being sober. I also started thinking about things positively with a lot of trials and errors. Started listening to Jazz and Blues, also reading classical books... Ah, things changed like that. Yes, I have changed.
When I was a heavy drinker, I thought that my life was already at a late stage. The glorious days in my life had already gone so I just had to live my closing life lazily, and would die alone. This idea reminds me of the movie "Kids Return". Thinking from now at this point, I had never started this journal, and also the activity about job coaches. That means I had never started my life itself. Yes, when I was a drinker, it must be only the prologue of my life. Now it seems that now is the second youthful period in my life. I am younger than in the past days... Does Bob Dylan sing about this state of mind?