BGM: 坂本真綾 "バイク"
Today I worked early. This morning was tough for me again. I could find no reasons. Just I worried that I hadn't slept well, and I was confused because everything I was concerned about could be the reason for the mistakes I would do. But I couldn't quit my job so I went to my workplace. Then, my body started moving naturally as usual and my thought also changed dramatically. A serious personality in me started working, and confidence came to my mind... no, I didn't have any confidence. That another personality that had been built by the experiences of doing this job over 20 years exactly supported me. Therefore I could do today's work.
You might think that I am weird because of another personality. But I am that kind of person, and that's all. Usually, I look for some nasty videos on the DMM site. But when I started reading books like Salinger or wearing my company's uniform, the personality that had been built by taking and reading so many books or working hard in the past days starts appearing. It's like Ryo Saeba, the main character of "City Hunter". It's strange but cool, so I accept this strangeness as this kind of thing can happen in this world.
I let another personality do my work, and at lunchtime, I took my lunchbox. I read some responses from my friends about the anxiety I had written on LINE. And I thought that this must be happiness. My friends exactly support me (so I am never lonely). I can eat lunch and I have my job. So I can feel that I am glad to be alive... this must sound weird, but I might accept it if a person who came from "Matrix" said, "TBH all of your life was just a dream". My current life is completely different from my past miserable life. Or I should say this life is a miracle.
At night, I attended two online meetings on ZOOM. The one was about archeology. The host spoke very smoothly and showed his rich knowledge, so I could enjoy it even if I was just an amateur. Another was the one by Facebook's language exchange group. Tonight we talked about our hometowns and experiences of traveling. I have rarely gone to another place and enjoyed an impressive trip, but I want to go to Hawaii if possible. I want to know two faces of Hawaii. The one is for tourists, and the another is just for residents. This must be the influence of Yoshio Kataoka. But I have to save money... Money-go-round!
