BGM: Yasuyuki Okamura "Daisuki".
I can remember about 23 years ago. I had graduated from a university in Tokyo, but couldn't find a good job so came back to my hometown. I spent about half a year as a 'NEET'. The doctor said to me like this, "You might have to start a certain work as getting back to society", and I started my career. Until now, I have worked at the same place... and about 7 years ago I encountered a person, fortunately, and learned about the 'job coach' system. I have tried to use it in the workplace, and it will start.
Ah, 23 years... during that period I learned about the fact that I am an autistic person and had to accept that I shouldn't be normal anymore. Once I was at the bottom of the depression. I had started a habit of drinking alcohol while I was finding a job, and I couldn't stop it by 40. I even thought that I could die with a lot of alcohol in my 40, the age Kafka had passed away. But life is beautiful. I met various friends, and by that, I started facing my autism seriously and thinking about its possibility again. I might have to say this with R.E.M.'s album's name. Life's rich pageant.
Once I thought... it must not be the end, I would be more significant, my life would turn over everything with my novel! Indeed, I thought that and tried to write a novel. I can't stop writing even if I can be a pro or not, so today I thought that I would write about English inspired by XTC's album "English Settlement". I am not a person who lives with nostalgia, but now I think that I have lived in very deep 23 years and in many troubling situations. They exactly let me grow up. Yes, great 23 years. I might not be a loser even if I couldn't be a pro.
Yes, I am not so young that I might have to think about death I will encounter, or about retired days. I am quite a random person so in my 50s I would be into Rakugo (Japanese traditional comedy). Or I might be able to encounter a soulmate finally. Or I would do brand new things I can't imagine at this moment. But however my life would change, I would be me and that's a simple truth. I should read Charles Dickens whose novels I have not read in my life because they seemed too classic. It is not because I want to stand over other readers, but to enjoy another taste of this world.
