2022/05/15 English

Today was the day I attended a meeting with friends about autism. At the meeting, I talked about this diary. It has been about a year since I started at the end of May of the last year. But why did I think I want to write my diary on the web/internet? Once I had started in 1999 but couldn't keep on. I tried many times more but couldn't. And time passed, and I met precious 'friends' at my 40. They gave me a certain confidence in my English. At that time I could accept what I was writing... I talked about these things. Yes, it went well and other members got interested in it.

Other members' topics were also interesting. A person said that she started to feel the pleasure of everyday life after her life in a hospital many times. I thought about my drunken days. I stopped drinking alcohol because I couldn't do it with a headache. In other words, I had never stopped it by my will. But that 'good luck' brought me connecting 'dansyu' meeting, and it still works till now. Indeed, unhappy or terrible things could happen in our life. But the decision of how we accept or treat those things is up to us. I had such an idea. I was glad to meet this meeting (or these friends).

After the meeting, I met the chief staff of my group home. We discussed how to use my money. We tried to 'visualize' how my money would be used and find out how much I could use a day. It was a hard task because I had to face how much I used to waste in my daily life. How much I used my money with an immature plan... But we could find out the plan of how to use it and I thought I could start again. But I have to face the problem of addiction of 'I can't stop helping doing'. So I thought that I should send LINE messages to the staff more and make the relationship stronger.

At night I watched Anton Corbin's movie "Control". This is about the youth of Ian Curtis, the main person of the punk band Joy Division. I followed their music after they had broken up. I felt impressed because I found out the scenes where Ian in this movie danced and sang their songs very sweaty. I noticed that Joy Division's music was basically really hot. What hot dance and shouts! Ian ended his life by himself but how he could become if he kept on living? He would become a tough rockstar like Lou Reed?