Back To Life

Back To Reality

2022/01/19 English

Today was a busy day. It was a day off and I went to a library, borrowed a book "Hyakken doesn't die yet". I read it a little. Hyakken Uchida is one of my favorite writers. When I was a college student, in other words, I was 20 years old I read his books "Meido" and "Tokyo Diary". They caught my mind and I started reading essays and journals, in addition to novels. Horrible novels and cool essays were good for me, and I thought I could write like him. I even copied his atmosphere and tried to write my novels. I should read him again.

In the afternoon I attended the "stop-drinking-alcohol" meeting. After that, I attend the meeting at Saikouji. I did an introduction about myself, and soon I had to talk about my topic to everyone. I tried to talk about it by thinking back and forth. About the boy who did a cruel case in front of Tokyo University, and about the pressure the boy must have, about the happiness I can feel... Not depending on the happiness someone decided, but on the happiness which we should chase as we think. Then we can become happier... I talked like that. And we talked about various things.

All I did was just to tell what I think usually as I write this journal, but people said that it was clear and easy to understand. I hadn't thought I tried to talk about something smoothly by my effort, so I can't see how I am making the progress. It is related to the habit of writing journals in English? Other members also showed the point of view from his "lost generation", and we did a great discussion. But it shouldn't be shared so I won't write more.

In the night I attended the night "stop-drinking-alcohol" meeting. There, I talked about the case the boy occurred. I thought about myself as I have had an empty pride because of the fact I had graduated from Waseda, therefore I looked at my job down. Now I like my work and can accept myself. But this has not to be done by myself alone. I met various friends, showed a lot of shame, and was accepted. Now I can live safely and comfortably. This happiness is important. Not money, but safety.