Back To Life

Back To Reality

2022/04/16 English

Today, reading Susumu Sogo's "Can't live without movies 2016-2018" at afternoon break time, as usual, I felt impressed by his great knowledge and thought about myself. I had been dissed for my ignorance of basic movies when I started watching movies in my 40s. Also, I had made people laugh at me because I had not known music and literature well too. I'm such a person so won't laugh at other people because of their ignorance. I believe that really great people (like Susumu Sogo) won't proud of their knowledge out loud and show themselves as big ones.

Why is ignorance treated as a shameful or prohibited thing? We have to accept the truth that everyone must start as a beginner if we start thinking this problem naturally. So the people who show themselves bigger and say that "You don't know this?" are just the ones who forgot a beginner's mind. They must be arrogant ones so it's just a waste of time to talk with. Once I had suffered from my ignorance. I felt shameful about the fact that I had not read Dostoevsky even if I had been over 40s. Or I had never watched Kubrick's movies in my 40s too. But then, what should I do? I can't live another life so start saying "So what?".

But we can say that such an inferiority complex makes people learn various things (of course, this is a weird logic). I have learned from various movies and books to get over my huge ignorance (Once, when I took a test to check how my autism was, a doctor said that I had a huge will to get over the losses). Yes, 500 movies and 1000 books... but the more I learn, the more I find the unknown things to learn. That's the act of enjoying the arts. I have never felt that I got to be an expert. Probably I can never be such a pro. Just an amateur. So following Edward Said, I live the 'amateur intellectual' life.

After the work, I returned to my group home and read Susumu Sogo again. I couldn't watch "The Andy Warhol Diaries" on Netflix because I felt so sleepy. I slept well and spent my time wastefully. Yes, I live my life sloppily. I can't answer the comments on my blog. By the way, the readers of Susumu Sogo's columns are true 'the happy few'. This person is quite an underrated writer. I have read his columns, and it has influenced my way of watching movies or the way living my life itself very much.