It was a fine day off for me, so I started reading Brian Green's "Until The End of Time". I felt impressed that the author looks at and writes about death directly. We can't avoid accepting death. I often get haunted by that idea and go crazy. Then I must think about that kind of 'philosophical illness'. Various arts in this world might be evidence we have been creating. We are born to create them, even if we have to die... What a sad fact! I felt sentimental even if it was just morning.
I went to AEON and noticed that I was in the flow of various things. There are a lot of people and also items. A lot of events have been happening. If I get into that flowing, I lose the time of thinking 'my' troubles/problems. Someday I can get used to this feeling? I thought so and decided to open my room on clubhouse against a certain pressure of working. I need to talk with other people and make practice English (of course, if I can do both of them it gets better).
I thought I wanted to watch Ryusuke Hamaguchi's "Drive My Car", but my mood didn't fit it so I read Tetsuya Furuta's "Immoral lectures on moral". I thought about the reality of "Life is totally gambling!". Yes, that element of luck has been involved in my life (maybe also everyone's life). I was born as a man, in a relatively rich family... But I don't want to consider those facts as a product of something like 'lottery'. I don't know why, but if I called so, I might lose something important.
The night I attended an online lecture on ZOOM about various antiques which were found in my town. After that, I read some pages of Koichiro Kokubun's "Ethics of leisure and boredom". We get too much with our leisure and boredom, so used to envy the people who die under some beautiful beliefs... Kokubun's that thought reminds me of Ukraine. People, who get bored, do the wars? ...I'm sorry for this joke. Anyway, I can't find what to believe in this era. But I still want to try to live 'a better life'.