BGM: Momus - Trust Me, I'm a Doctor
Every day I make several sentences in English so I sometimes get some phrases in English accidentally. Today, while reading Daniel Dennett's "Kinds of Minds", I got the words "Do Machines Have Desire?". As I always write, I wanted to be a "human machine" when I was young. If so, I could be free from the gravity of desire. Or I also wanted to be released from the element of emotion. Then I could control myself neatly and live with toughness. Not feeling any desire for women, I could live without showing any weakness to others (yes, it is a banal "young daydream").
This body reacts to women automatically... so I couldn't understand and control the desire for the element of pervert. Therefore I do feel not comfortable when I see women who show their great (too huge) breasts and hips (even if they are drawn or real). Young people couldn't understand that kind of my dilemma. But I believe that our desire shouldn't be shown radically and also talk about that kind of topic. When I see some "almost porn" advertisements, I feel that we need some "zoning" for them. It's difficult to keep everything "so-so".
I read Kouichiro Kokubun's "First Spinoza". Although I am interested in Spinoza's opinions, I have never tried to understand his philosophy because I couldn't understand his "Ethica". Therefore I have to learn from Kokubun's works. Spinoza and Kokubun have made the dilemma of needing the things I don't want in my will into their words clearly (Me, I understand that I would go to hell when I drank alcohol, but my body needs to drink it. So I have to keep distance from any alcohol). That makes me feel realistic from their logic. To doubt my point of view, and to rewrite or version-up it, I need to bring Spinoza's philosophy into my operation system.
Today I went to the library and borrowed the book "The Language Game". I have a really enigmatic interest in reading books that changes easily and rapidly. I even can write that I am enjoying that kind of "uncertain" interest which leads me to an unknown place. But I might be able to say that I'm trying to feedback on the books I read in my life. And the gifts or experiences I got from my life become my thought again. Indeed, cynicism says my life and thoughts must be nonsense. But that cynicism is also nonsense. I am just a disco cat who dances alone. That's enough. "I'm a loser baby, so why don't kill me" (Beck "Loser").
