Back To Life

Back To Reality

2022/01/29 English

I've read Koutarou Sawaki's "Elephants In The Sky". I like Sawaki's essays. Of course, He writes very good non-fiction. But maybe I like his 'essays' because I can feel his direct nature by reading them. I am interested in himself, not the people he writes about as boxers or novelists as objects. Reading "Elephants In The Sky", I might be able to get closer to the person Sawaki who usually hides as a ball boy. His nature is really an ordinary citizen and also has a very crisp point of view.

Shinji Miyadai says that we can't live in this society with calmness or any right mind. He also says that this society is a "f--king society". I am not smart like him but I sometimes feel that living in this society with a serious mind must be hard and almost lose my mind. Today I got interested in a 'hostage' case in Saitama. It might be brought by being tired of caring for his parent but we can't judge the real reason for crimes finally. Even the criminal loses their mind and does the crime I guess, so I don't think that the criminal can't handle his reason for the crime. That kind of sad case exactly exists.

The noon, I thought about that case. But outside of the restroom of my company, the world has all of 'valentine's' mood and almost forgets the sad case. Even if sad cases happened, the town (or the 'f--king society') eats them and reproduces the peaceful days again. I might forget the case of the student who attacked people in front of Tokyo University or that 'hostage' case. Sometimes I even forget Fukushima... and that kind of 'forgetting' ability must be needed to live in this world...

Why should I live? I sometimes think so. If I died, I could be released... Yes, I can't say truly I could be released because I have never died (so this kind of idea must be a waste of time and energy), but I might be released from the duties of earning money, or eating and sleeping. But I live so I 'must' try to do so. And if I try, I find that kind of hard work as a living. That's life... Ah, I am still too naive?