Today I worked late. In the morning, when I read Koutarou Sawaki's book "Elephants In The Sky", the article about Sayuri Yoshinaga attracted my interest. Yoshinaga said that she would be a teacher if she hadn't become an actress. Although we say that history has no "if", I thought about my life. If my life went well... then I could work at any publisher and make good books? Of course, this kind of thought makes no money. But I had adored working as an editor or a translator. Yes, it should be a severe road but...
Reading "Elephants In The Sky", I found the article about Hibari Misora. As I wrote yesterday, I have a chance to do talking about alcoholic addiction soon so I want to talk about her. She is said as an alcoholic addict. Yujiro Ishihara and Yasushi Yokoyama are also addicted people and died at a young age. The early age of 50s. The average age of alcoholic addicted people is said as about 52 years old. I will be 47 this year. I remember that I believed it would be a nice life if I could die from alcohol because I wouldn't have any pleasant things in my future.
52... now I think that it is still young. This might be from my naive thought... recently we say that our life must be 100 so they could do something great at their later period. I remember that Kafuu Nagai wrote his journal with his stubborn point of view. We can recall various artists who did their great works in their 50s or more later (look at great Clint Eastwood!). Alcohol must be a monster. I won't miss alcohol. I stop drinking it and that's fine.
I heard that there is a HALT rule. Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired... this combination makes us become alcoholics. Yes, I had been suffered from this combination. And still, now I am suffering from loneliness. Nonsense! Now I have many LINE friends and also I can enjoy reading and watching if I become lonely. But loneliness still hurts me... I googled LINE chat groups and joined the ones which were organized by alcoholic people to remember my will to keep on stopping alcohol.