Back To Life

Back To Reality

2022/01/16 English

I've read Yoshikichi Furui's "Karioujyouden Shibun" completely. But my reading was not done with a quiet attitude. I just read the book which was half done because of getting bored. So I can't proud of it. After that, I read Fernando Pessoa's "The Book Of Disquiet". For me, reading something means killing boredom like this... I feel embarrassed. Just trying to cure my hardship because of this sober life. Or maybe does living itself mean killing boredom? This kind of extreme thinking leads to bad results...

I've read "Karioujyouden Shibun" eight times. I find new things by reading the book every time. I can't memorize that so I will keep on doing such a bad-cost reading. I want to write like him but I can't. I don't have any knowledge or talent. In addition, I can only write my Japanese. I should keep my adore as itself quietly, and walk my way only. Like that, I tried to read Koutarou Sawaki or Susumu Sogo and spent the night.

Today was the day of the meeting about autism. Every member brought their topics as problems or worries and talked about them. I brought there my problems with work. Various opinions came from them. I felt thankful because they gave me their wisdom. I have worked at my company for over 20 years so I don't know other companies. So the member who has their experience at other ones gave me precious advice. I want to use them. How should I do? Of course, it can't be changed in only one day.

Cleaning the room or using money were also the topics. Various opinions appeared. I found that these opinions were trying to open the problems which were hidden but exactly existed (we say it as "an elephant in a room"). So, writing about how we use money is the way to solve that problem. And using labels that say what is contained in various cases is also the way. Both are the way to try to "visualize". These ideas were said. I can't control my room or my money so this advice was hurt. I want to use that advice without stress.