Back To Life

Back To Reality

2022/01/04 English

BGM: Julia Fordham "Happy Ever After"

The first three days of this year have gone by. I had a workday and a day off. I spent three days as usual so couldn't enjoy the feeling of the beginning. I have not visited a shrine... How will this year be? It was busy so I couldn't enjoy reading, although I have watched movies too much... I found that chatting with someone or writing letters to them is pleasant by talking with a friend in Kyusyu about "American Utopia". So, even it is just the beginning of the year, I thought I should write a novel. The title is "To Marco Stanley Fogg". I will write this little by little.

Sometimes I think I'm too small. What could I get if I did this? Anytime I watch movies by subscription, I have an idea that says "Why should I watch such a movie like a snack?" and can't start doing it easily. Antonio Inoki, who I respect, says "Don't worry, you can find what it means". Sometimes, I should just do something without thinking, move to somewhere with blindness. Now I am helped as a user of a group home. But it was because when I had needed help as an autistic person. I had googled every day and, at last, found the website... That's life.

Moving by the guide of inner myself. Trusting the inspiration, the hunch. Don't fight it, feel it... So I am never being a logical person. I am moved by the boiled thought, flooding emotion. Living with no plans or making sense. Just thinking "so-so is OK". When I watch movies, I have been moved by the enigmatic feeling or sense. I am just trying to make words from them. I am an enigma. Or I am a universe. I can accept this right now so I can stay calm.

The night I watched the Coen brothers' movie "Inside Llewyn Davis". In the movie, the warm touching of folk songs and the cold scenery of New York's streets are mixed. Therefore it has a strange and unique touch. "Where did I make a mistake?" or "Why could this life be?"... but we have to live if we want to do so. I don't like Coen's movies so just have watched "Fargo" only (but I'm writing about movies boldly). This year, I should watch Coens' works.