Why do I live? I ask this to myself again. Why? Yes, I say this word again and again, as Oasis's song "Champagne Supernova". Why why why... I can't see the answer. I even make myself crazy because of asking it too much. Now it's 10 am and today's work starts at 2 pm. If the time comes, my body moves naturally. I don't like my job, but I will do it... this might apply to answer the first question. I don't like my life, but I will live it...
I've lived this life till now in 46 years. Sometimes I feel that I am still a child. Yes, therefore I ask that kind of primal question. Why is the sky blue? How to tell it's blue to the people who can't see? like that... As living this life, I am getting to learn how to manage my job and my life I guess. The clue is this. I trust myself. This body... I am not the big head itself which thinks a lot of ideas conceptually. I am the body that gets various meals in myself and lets them out. The body that moves naturally even if I want to stay in my bed.
My body still moves... my body might be another myself. Then, I don't have a single self. I might be a collection of chaotic selves. That chaos reacts to delicious meals. I am male so I am attracted by beautiful or sexy women. I enjoy interesting books and movies. Now I am listening to T.Rex's funny tune. It also makes me fine. In other words, I am unknown to myself and therefore an enigma. Every person is an enigma and a kind of treasures...
Now is the time I should go out to the workplace. I write this novel today. Why? Why do I do such nonsense? I can't see. The things I do are completely enigma. But I can't stop doing this even I can't write as marvelous writers. That's me.
