Back To Life

Back To Reality

2021/12/16 English

BGM: Southern All Stars "Furifuri '65"

Caution! This has some dangerous words.

I read Tomiko Mori's book "Conversation with Atsushi Mori". This is a biography of Atsushi Mori, who is a Japanese legendary, great writer. This is a collection of tiny episodes about him. I just read his books "Gatsuzan" and "Choukaizan" only. I thought that it is a funny book which tells us the charm of Atsushi Mori, who had a brilliant brain and also couldn't live well by himself. I thought wanted to read his big masterpiece "Like the deads", and also had the feeling that I am still alright because I still have books which I want to read. That explains that there are still desires and curiosity in myself which makes me learn this mysterious world. I want to treat this desire.

Sometimes I feel that I am empty. There is no original thought in myself and I am just "editing" the things which come from outside as a DJ. So this self has no worth thinking about deeply. I remember Bret Easton Ellis's novel "American Psycho". In this novel, a character appears. He collected hip information as cool music or trendy restaurants too much and lost his identity because of them. Looking at myself drives me mad?

Kenzou Kitakata, a Japanese famous hard-boiled writer, was once asked by a person who had thought of suicide and could find nothing to do. He recommended reading 100 books. While reading them, the person can escape from the thought of suicide... I heard that story and thought. What books can I recommend to the person who has certain hate for themselves? What books can be the arms to that desire of suicide? I remember that I got the power from Atsushi Mori or Cyoukitsu Kurumatani. They are dumb people and trying to do their own mission of writing novels. I have sympathy for them and get the power to live on. Yes, life is nonsense. But I would read Hyakken Uchida and Danilo Kiš.

A friend of mine from Kyrgyzstan asked me what books she should read for learning English. I learned English literature and wrote a paper about Paul Auster's "Moon Palace". Auster's English is plain so easy to learn I guess. Or reading Haruki Murakami in English might work well. Now I'm reading Louise Gluck's poems and they are also great. I recommended them to her. Practicing learning languages like this might be able to work against suicide. We can feel the progress exactly by doing it and also we can communicate and change thoughts by the languages we learn like that. I hope this can be a piece of actual advice.