Back To Life

Back To Reality

2021/12/12 English

BGM: Everything But The Girl "Night And Day"

It was a day off today but I could do nothing creative. I even tried to read something but nothing came into my head. I wanted to read Tim Ingold "Being Alive"... Do I need some "outputting"? At the "stop-drinking-alcohol" meeting, We call the talking itself there "letting garbage of mind out". We erase our stress by talking about worries or complaints in our minds to the members. I might need the work of "writing out clearly" or "vomiting everything". But how can I do that? I can't see... I should do it on chatting on Discord?

I spent a day like that. I slept too much. I took a nap and also slept after dinner. In the afternoon I talked with Judith a little. She told me how she treated the negative emotion in her mind (or our minds). I reminded Alain's "Propos sur le bonheur" by her talking. Diving into the mind and finding out the cause. And facing it and taking over. Treat moving the body as an important act and controlling our mood by exercise. I like "Propos sur le bonheur". Judith always gives me a great embrace. Meeting her is one of the important events for me this year.

At the night I talked about the reading I have done this year on Discord. For me, corona depression was one of the serious problems so I have read Yoshikichi Furui and Toshiyuki Horie, and faced that depression in me. I started using the clubhouse and also started learning English, so read Yoshio Kataoka's books and thought about English and Japanese. Recently I'm thinking about the mind and the brain. Where in myself is the consciousness? Where is my emotion? ...Well, this is just killing boredom. But I want to dig this more.

Also late at night, Elise, who is from Korea and met me as Judith's friend, recommended me a group of neurodiversity in which autistic people discuss various things on the clubhouse. I read my journal out and talked about my history. I have worked at a company for over 20 years and am having various problems etc... They praised me so I got a certain power too. This might be the beginning of something special? I had thought I had no abilities so I must be useless... so I sank myself into alcohol. Now a lot of friends stand by me. I'm not lonely. That gives me power. How will the year 2022 be?