2022/06/04 English

I found that Judith had opened her room on Clubhouse. I attended there and talked with her and other members. The topic was about 'do you follow back the person if you are asked to do so by them?'. Do I say that following back to me? Me, I don't want to bring some 'duty' into the relationship of any social media. Indeed, some 'obligation' might be needed in the relationship of business. But in the relationship of 'apart' business, that kind of 'obligation' must be prohibited as my policy. I will allow the following (back) to me, or remove, or block. So don't expect me to follow back to you.

In Judith's room, I read my diary loud as usual. Always I make some 'blank' if I talk about something in English in her room. The 'blank' which was like a kind of taboo if we had radio programs... But Judith accepts and allows that 'blank' as a character of my autism. Indeed, I am the person who thinks about myself with irritation about my awkward speaking, and also Judith must treat me so intimately about me. I feel sorry about it. But a person said this style of my speaking must be one of the 'diversity' so I am trying to express myself with pride. I feel thankful for people's tenderness.

Today was a day off so I went to Saikouji. There, I enjoyed talking. I talked about the book "Aum" by Hiromi Shimada which I borrowed from a library, then the other person started talking about it passionately. I felt impressed by the words of the other person. Shoko Asahara, the leader of the cult Aum, was one of the people who tried to answer various serious questions from people who had worries (especially young people). Even if his answers were not acceptable and stupid... Indeed, there are always some people with worries in their minds. But, during the period that Aum was alive, we treated the 'enjo' relationship as a serious social problem and also had Wataru Tsurumi's that best-seller. I was a person who had lived as a young person during that period. Today is the Tiananmen Square Massacre's memorial day. Indeed, they didn't happen not 'just' in the same period. But I had lived such madness.

At night, I talked about how I will work with another person. I remember that she also attends the monthly meeting we have at Saikouji. Important is whether we have the feeling that we want to get together. If we have, even if we are suffered by corona, we should get together (although we have to choose the way of meeting as 'remote' etc.). I remembered such words by him at Saikouji. She, the person I talked to about my job, is the person who thinks about the period I was bullied, and also thinks about my life and work. I feel thankful to her. But I can't say this loudly. I want to go to Saikouji with the book "Aum" again.