Back To Life

Back To Reality

Bewitched 2

I remembered the poem which is contained in Inuhiko Yomota's "Watching the falling of the world". "It will be like Kyoko Okazaki said/We will forget everything soon" "It had to be so that time/But nothing has been changed/Never mind, we should forget everything". This poem isn't a masterpiece but that tells some kind of "mood" and is therefore vivid. For me, I choose to "forget everything" if something harmful happens.

But about this election, people around me say disappointment or curse about the fact we should have the same party's government and the same system. When I hear that, I am the person who forgives the fact and tries to forget (and that's dangerous). Forgetting everything means accepting the current situation with no complaint. I have to think that I can do something against this situation. It must be nihilism if I had the feeling that I was powerless and stayed inside my world.

I didn't care about this at the beginning of this novel. I have to work sometimes lately because my work shift is irregular. When I work late, I have to come home at over 10 pm, therefore, I can't get the time to write my novel. So today I'm trying to write this novel in the morning but at this time my head still doesn't work and also I have to bother with the pressure of working so I feel awkward. Basically, I am not a morning person so my head starts working from the afternoon. I want to sleep again... or if I have to work, I would do it without complaint. Anyway, now is not the time for writing.

What book do I read? I should keep reading Toshiyuki Horie's essays or Yoshikichi Furui? I'm thinking about this. Both of them didn't talk about politics loudly but they watched ordinary people's life. I want to touch their fine writing and think. From them, I have learned the importance of thinking about everything from details as Nietzsche's "doves walking". May this novel become the record of my trial to change me little by little.