BGM: Rhymester "ウィークエンド・シャッフル"
This morning, before I start working I listened to Rhymester "LIFE GOES ON" again. The message "LIFE STILL GOES ON" impressed me deeply. Yes, everything goes... I can remember the hard days when I strictly believed I would be big, I could be a pro writer. But, at last, I had to give up and lived with regret, and I still am alive. This life hasn't ended and brought me unbelievable drama. Now I can think about job coaches and the coming life of the 50s. Ah, life is wonderful.
Today I worked early. I have never thought that I could keep on working until now. In addition to, I have never thought that this life would give me a lot of lessons that could make me like this. Just I wanted to eat meals and show my pride, and that's all... This might sound like an anachronism, but it must be 'I wanted to be a man'. My parents were already so old and I couldn't be a NEET. And I had thought that I would be an idiot without any work... I can't say if I would be an idiot, but anyway, doing my work might be right for me. I have been trained by such a process.
A big typhoon is coming. I might not be able to go to my workplace. I will even not be able to go out of my room. For emergency state, I bought some 'instant meals' and also borrowed Natsuki Ikezawa's long novel "The Downfall of Matias Guili" to enjoy. I made a memo for the meeting tomorrow. About the things that I have learned from Discord, recent failure, etc... I have no confidence in speaking my truths well, but the members of the meeting are my friends. So I can show my poor talking. I think I show to shame. That even might work interestingly.
This evening I read Haruki Murakami's "And sad foreign languages". After a while, I read Haruki's writing again. When I was a high school student, I read his "Pinball, 1973" and learned how was the Haruki world. And after that, I carried his "Norwegian Wood" as a bible (or it might be an "amulet"). Therefore I disliked myself and I even dissed Haruki intentionally. But now, I read his writing with a neutral mood and can feel another taste. I like Haruki, but it won't be bad, will it? I can say so. Probably I will grow up with this ambivalent emotion, this kind of love and hate.