BGM: SHERBETS - シベリア
This morning I felt a slight fever which says 37.0. Certainly, it's a little bit high for me. Luckily, today was a day off so I decided to stay calm. In the morning time, a person came to my group home to do the monitoring. I talked about various things. After that, I lay on the bed and slept well. During I was awake, I spent my time reading Kazushi Hosaka's "Memories of Seasons"... writing like this, suddenly thought that my style of writing this diary has changed certainly. Once I wrote this kind of "web diary”, but I got bored of that so stopped soon. I just thought that I wanted to write a diary because "writing a diary is cool", so I didn't think that I seriously wanted to do so. Now I can write this diary for my friends, and of course, for me.
It was when I was a college student. I met Kazushi Hosaka's novel for the first time. I remember it would be "Plainsong". It impressed me so I have followed his works since then. When I was a college student, this might sound so old but I was in Peter Pan syndrome so got feard to be an adult. Is there a company that hires this kind of mad person like me? If I could join that company, I might work so hard that I would die... and after that period, I went back to this town and started working in the current company. I never want to forget the fact that I have been embraced by the adults in Hosaka's novels. I just climbed the stairway to be an adult step by step being empowered by various pitiable but strong adults. They (and I) are poor but stay dutiful for ourselves. I feel thankful for him.
I read "Memories of Seasons" and thought that was a really profound one. He writes a lot of philosophical things in that novel, but also tries to describe the greenery of Kamakura. They are in this one, unique world in the novel. The place I live is also the countryside which has rich greenery, so I thought that I would try to walk outside and "watch" it. I would live my whole life within Wittgenstein's thoughts poorly, but Wittgenstein was the person who said how the action of "watching" was important I guess. "Watching " is certainly difficult so I have to "watch" the world without thinking it was just already known to me.
I found an interesting diary on Kakuyomu, that tells me the author is reading Hideo Kobayashi, a Japanese legendary critic. I have never read Hideo Kobayashi so will try to read him. I choose "The clue of thoughts". Like this, I meet unknown books and learn unknown things, and that changes "my world". Using the book "A Life and Contingency" by Kenichiro Mogi, I can describe that I am in a large flow. I sometimes throw myself into that large flow, bigger than me. I can see how it would change me or the world. Hideo Kobayashi might not suit me. But I live guided by the voices in me. I have lived like that by now. I never think too much because it would make my brain "overheat". Everything will flow.