Why? Still now, when I write this journal in Japanese and English, I think that "What should I write?" and "I might be able to find nothing to write". We can't say that the things we could do yesterday can be the same today. But, if I start, I can. It's the same as the work. If I go there and endure the pressure which drives me mad, I can do my work. I remember the things I wrote once. Just do it. Just trust my body. I should trust the memories which are existed everywhere in my body. I should go a step forward with trusting "Alain on Happiness".
I started writing movie reviews on Letterboxd. I might have watched about 500 movies... Ah. I have written these memories of movies in my body. Recently I have been able to enjoy movies with remembering the breaths of these movies. Even it's just my selfish style, but I can enjoy Godard and Truffaut movies now. I want to know how my reviews are read by foreign readers/reviewers. But now I get no reactions from them. That's OK. From now. I have just started.
I've watched Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris's movie "Battle of the Sexes". It describes a serious battle between a man and a woman in Tennis. I remember the movie "Rocky". "Rocky" was the movie in which a nobody challenger Rocky shows his strongness and does a great match with a champion. I want to watch "Rocky" again. In "Battle of the Sexes", there is a description of lesbian romance. I think about the life in which a person lives his/her life honestly, and try to be just the person who he/her is.
I was born an autistic person. Therefore I have been laughed at or hated. Still, now I have been hated at my office. Just a person who read books only and has ideas that aren't understandable... Until now I have not been married to anybody and just lived life with laziness. I just enjoy life with no responsibility... But the wind of the era blows to follow us, autistic people. I will watch movies, read books, think about what is autism... No, I can't live an alternative life. I have lived this life unflexible and this life still goes on as usual...