Back To Life

Back To Reality

2021/08/06 English

Today I worked late. I had a time in the morning so watched "THIS IS US" and "Dear White People". Both were great dramas. The former told me the importance of seeing the true problem in myself. I have to look out for the trauma and get over it. The characters were fighting that struggle so it gave me certain courage. The latter was still an introduction I think. How will this drama become interesting? I want to see it. I was told that I should watch this until episode 5 so I will try it with a calm mind.

Suddenly, I wanted to watch Jean-Luc Godard's movies. It might be from the influence of reading Kouichi Yamada's "Friends and movies: my Nouvelle-Vague". I borrowed "WEEKEND" on the net. Today I read Kouichi Yamada's "Godard: My Anna Karina era". But Godard's movies are still mysterious for me. Thinking simply, I feel that his movies are made by the experience of a lot of movies. Therefore his movie has the pleasure of "hitting the wrong point". I had watched many movies and became understanding the untold rule of movies so I can watch Godard with pleasure.

I have worked at the office 20 years over... I thought I should quit it many times. This was not the job I wanted to do... I thought so. I had to do this for my life. It's great if I can do the things I want to do, but I have to try to accept my job as my ideal one. I have to accept that to make money by writing would be great, but now I can write like this freely and therefore I feel certain happiness. This is great...

When I was young, I thought why I couldn't get any success. I wanted to be a good winner in my 20s and 30s. Why people don't read my articles? Why don't they praise them? It's embarrassing but I thought they couldn't praise them because they were dumb... now, I won't say I have such huge self-love. But if I could get success in my young days, I would get spoiled because of the fame. I spent hard days and even tried to do suicide so now I can stay calm with great people. I am listening to Soul II Soul...