This morning, I attended an English Zoom meeting. Today's topic was "impulse purchase". I could enjoy discussing this well because I am always annoyed by this impulse (maybe because of my autistic character). How can I avoid buying items too rapidly when I see them in real stores or on the internet? As a person who has an addicted mind, I am always trying to face this impulse. All I can do seems to be to try not to browse the Amazon site (in other words, I shouldn't do "window shopping") unless I have any necessary items.
This afternoon, while having a lunchbox, I thought how about I try to write my autobiography, even though I could have already known it must be impossible. If I could write my one, it could start from that moment, that day... when the owner of the antique café in this town offered me to attend the meeting there, and I met my job coach, her daughter and many friends... Certainly, from that moment "my story" started. It was I was 40.
People may say it must be too early for me to look back on my life. Indeed, I still have many things I want to do (although my mood can change so recklessly therefore I can't make any static "bucket list" or "wish list" of mine firmly). However, as a simple truth, I can't predict when I will die. It can be tomorrow (or even five minutes later). I know I am just a nameless Japanese guy, but if possible I want to leave at least one tiny personal thing in this world. Maybe it can be the same instinctive/primitive wish that any animal might have.
This evening, putting Edward W. Said's book on my bedside, I enjoyed Natsuki Ikezawa's long novel "Brave New World [池澤夏樹『すばらしい新世界』]" which had been read in its halfway. This novel was published in 2000 when the internet connection was not as developed as now, therefore it was a little bit old-fashioned. However, I enjoyed this novel's atmosphere and profound (and also very heartful) messages because this author's keen and warm eyes gave their gaze onto this vast/wide world, like the stars upon the sky which watch human beings' behavior certainly. I respect Natsuki Ikezawa (although, TBH I still adore to become Haruki Murakami though through this life).
