I had a day off today. This morning, I went to a library and borrowed an interesting book, Masaaki Tonedachi's "English? No Way! [刀祢館正明『英語が出来ません』]". At AEON, I started reading this and found its brilliance - Indeed, even in my mind there must be a certain pressure that can disturb my motivation toward learning English. But then, I should face it with courage.
TBH, recently I shared with my friends that I would start learning English at offline English conversation classes, and then a person said to me "But your English is already well". I can't see if it's true, but at least now I can find that learning English affords me funny moments/experiences, and also I believe it keeps on letting me go forward as an adult.
Tonedachi's book tells me how Japanese people have to face various struggles in learning English. For example, even though marvelous Chat-GPT progresses in its ability to solve problems more and more, I can't find any proper topics for small talk in English in my daily life. Also, it's still difficult for me to find any good/proper textbooks or stuff to learn English (even now, I wonder if Kazuo Ishiguro's or Paul Auster's English is good for me to learn with a certain motivation).
This afternoon, I went to a glasses shop to get my new glasses with money, and after that, I went back to my group home and started writing my draft for the presentation I will do next Thursday. At first, I wanted to share how I enjoy learning English with my "unique" methods such as making friends on Discord, WhatsApp, and MeWe. But writing that, the draft developed how to start learning/mastering my "unique" way of communicating with others in Japanese.
As an autistic teenage student, in classes, I could survive because I could memorize and imagine what teachers would tell me based on textbooks. But in the real world, as a clear fact, we have each one's free will to tell their free opinions. So, any tactical attitude won't be useful for me... at first, I had to master this clear and simple fact. Now, how do you describe my English with this free will? DO I SPEAK WELL?
