I worked early today. This morning, I couldn't join the daily English meeting (Oops!). TBH, my company has to have a meeting to renew each worker's contract to work twice a year. During this morning's work time, I heard that my boss had started having that contract meeting with other co-workers, therefore I had to prepare for that. I even thought I could have that meeting with my current job coach because even now I can't have any esteem in my actual speaking. Like Naoko in Haruki Murakami's evergreen love story "Norwegian Wood", I have difficulty communicating with others.
However, if the meeting is held in the coming week (I had thought it would be next Monday or Tuesday), I could never make a reservation/booking for making my job coach join the meeting. Therefore, I sent a LINE message to my previous job coach about this event, even though I couldn't find out whether she could help me with her current health condition (and also, generally every family must be so busy to spend the beginning of the year). However, she answered me soon. Even though I can't publicly tell our conversation about this, I am very thankful for this connection.
This lunchtime, I thought about the things I've written above again. What would I be able to share with my boss at the meeting? Or, with the current job coach or that friend (my previous job coach), etc.? Suddenly, I noticed that NOW I could have a clearly positive, creative mind enough to decide/explore what I would be able to do next and so on. It meant I could try to expect my future, and even I could wonder/wait for various pleasant moments/events, such as English conversation classes, the weekly meeting on Thursdays, and other events/opportunities for me to use my English abilities.
However... OH NO! After the lunch break, my boss told me that from 4 p.m. we had to start THE meeting. Therefore, I needed to write various things on my paper and also make a preparation in my mind. At that time, we started having the meeting, and I shared various things with the boss. How should I care for the relationship with each co-worker? etc. Even now, I can never have any self-esteem about my speaking style. Anyway, it seemed to me everything had ended finely... C'est la vie.
