BGM: G. Love & Special Sauce - Blues Music
It was a wonderful, brilliant day. Before late time work, I had a certain time so I started reading Kumiko Kanno's book "Lonely Death Country [菅野久美子『孤独死大国』]", which reminded me of my terrible "lonesome" days (with Bruce Springsteen's jewel-like songs.) Yes, when I was in my 30s I was at the bottom/lowest of this life certainly... It was before I would meet my job coach, so even though I lived with my parents I had strictly believed that I had to live/survive this crappy life alone by myself.
At that time, I had already been soaked in a deep and even muddy alcohol pond. Every day after work, I drank alcohol until I would lose my mind completely. Of course, doctors said I should quit alcohol anymore, but I couldn't do so. One of the main reasons why was I had been an addicted guy, but also I admit that at that time I could find nothing positive in my life (especially, toward my future) even though I could quit it immediately.
Now, I can see that my mental condition, and my potential ideas I can have must depend on my physical state. At least, when I was such a terrible, lonesome heavy drinker, I couldn't eat anything enough to keep my mind healthy and creative enough. My mind had been already "messed up" as hell by such a chaotic, random habit of eating and drinking.
I remember that at 40 I was led to visit the cafe in my town, and met my job coach for the first time. Through that job coach, and also her family, I started enjoying my middle-aged life little by little. Now I can find that I have belonged to various communities/groups my friends created (the "danshu" meeting, another meeting on Thursdays, English conversation class, etc.)
Kanno's book taught me that the connections this local society provides can save our mental, and also our whole dignity. If I were younger, I would "reject" this honest, intimate opinion of her because I must have believed strictly that I should live this life independently by my responsibility only without anyone's help. But now, I can find that the connection we have built must cure ourselves fully. Oh, what a wonderful world.
