BGM: Peter Gabriel - Father, Son
In Japanese we say "muga". It means "no ego" or "no selfishness", and simply says the state of tranquility in our minds. Free from any worries... Today was a day off, and it was a fine day. This morning I went to the mountain as I do on Wednesdays. I thought various things in the greenery of there. Thinking about the music I wanted to enjoy there, I chose the collaboration of Brian Eno and Fred Again.. The album "Secret Life". Being soaked into that grenery with their really profound ambient sound by my earphones, I could forget the emotion of anger I had been possessed by. Indeed, I had no tactic or plan to start to go/come to the mountain. I just started to come/go to there because my inner voice had suggested. But that kind of foolish process is really describing me. I could enjoy the state of peace of mind, and I thought it was really sad because I had not known (or noticed) the fact that this mountain is a really wonderful place even if I have been living in this town for over 40 years. I want to come/go to there again.
This afternoon I met my parents to go to a restaurant in Yumesaki Town. We had a great lunch there. I couldn't have imagined that we the family would enjoy lunchtime like this. When we were together in my parents' house, I was a terrible heavy drinker so my mind had been rotten. Yes, my mind and body had been tired so much, and our relationship was also bad like a nightmare. "Why did you born an autistic person like me?" and "Why do you live in such an as--ole rural place?". I had been possessed by the anger towards my parents... At that lunch, my father asked me as "You are still an 'irregular' employee?" and "What is on your mind in the future? I am worrying about that...". He also said to me that "I want to meet the 'job coach' you are talking about". I felt pleasant because it says my father accepted my activities, or my life itself. Remembering that he had said "quit that as--ole job"... and I noticed that people exactly change. Me, by quitting alcohol, I am also able to change.
After that lunch, I sent a message to that job coach on LINE to make an appointment with my father. She said yes clearly to my suggestion. Oh, I'm glad to hear that. This afternoon I started reading Kumiko Torikai's "Real English Skill", and thought about "my" trial of learning English. In this book, Torikai says about how important to show our wills to learn English intentionally, and also follow the mind that says "I want to learn". Not controlled by others, but just starting our learning by curiosity... Me, I can remember that my motivation was once "To pass the exams" and "To become a great business person". So I even learned the literature in English... This must sound strange, but I never learned English seriously when I was a student even though other adults taught me how learning/studying is important. Now I am free from that pressure, and start learning thinking as "I might have to learn more from the basis". But... I guess that is a meaning of the word "C'est La Vie".
This evening I went to the "danshu" meeting, where I confessed about the mountain I had went, and also the meeting I had with my parents this afternoon. A member said to me that "Your parents must accept your efforts of quitting alcohol and of living honestly with pleasure. You are pretty great". Ah, what a great compliment. I thought I am really grateful for this "danshu" meeting. Indeed, all I had thought was just quitting alcohol. That was all. But it brought me really brilliant connections and growth like this. After that, in my room, I joined an interesting discussion on clubhouse. At that discussion, I tried to say in English like this. "Indeed, the concept 'sustainability' is getting important. But I am afraid of the possibility that it would end in vain as a form of 'fashion'" (that discussion was held in English). I tried to use the word "trendy", and the host answered me as "Yes, the concept 'sustainability' is a 'trendy' term". I said "No, in Japan 'trendy' can have a negative meaning. It can mean 'temporary'"... I couldn't say that fluently. I need learning more, but it is also "La Vie"!
