BGM: Reel Big Fish - Take On Me
It was a day off. This morning I had an online meeting of English conversation as usual on Wednesday. We used a few idioms and made various sentences in English. One of them was "I'm filled with". I made a little bit controversial one as "I'm filled with sadness when I hear the sad news about war" (Oh my gosh!). Although I have had a difficulty to listen to the English an Indian member speaks (because of his accent/dialect), but I am getting to used to his English little by little. I guess this is a kind of progress (I say that MY English must have a certain strange Japanese dialect). I talked about the fact that I had neve been out of Japan, and was having an interest in Hong Kong and Taiwan (great foods and their unique cultures), then other members suggested me a lot. I'm grateful about that. It had moved me a lot so I wrote to the host person like this in English. "I'm filled with happiness right now". She showed her smiling as a response. It has been also grateful for me.
"Smiling"... and I notice that I have such an unique sense of humor certainly. I was born in Hyogo prefecture, the West region of Japan. Probably because of that, in other words because "kansai" area's air, water, and foods have brought me like this, I have been keeping this sense of humor. Indeed, I am basically a negative/pessimistic person with a hentai mind. But somewhere in my mind I believe the power of humor which makes us smile/grin. I confess this... When I was a teenager, I had various heroes in my mind. Haruki Murakami and Motoyuki Shibata (a great translator who has introduced a lot of modern English literature works). And also Flipper's Guitar. But also, I have respected Sanma Akashiya. Have you ever heard a Japanese famous comedian/talk show host, Sanma? I had kept recording his TV shows and radio programs with a lot of tapes, and enjoyed them during the way to the high school. But I couldn't understand later era's comedy. Down Town and Ucchan Nanchan... (But Hitoshi Matsumoto, another legendary comedian/creator in Japan had influenced me a lot. This is another fact. He had taught me how important to keep an independent spirit in oneself).
This afternoon, after having sandwiches I enjoyed taking a nap. And I started completing a paper I had to do by last Sunday. In short, it has gone beyond the deadline too much... and I thought I wanted to give up completely (SORRY!). But I finished writing it. If I do this kind of things with the spirit of "Anyway, I do!", then the motivation in me will follow me automatically/naturally. I sent that via e-mails to my friends. After that, I spent the time with chatting on Discord, and also enjoyed reading Steven Millhauser's "Portrait of a Romantic" a little. And... OH NO! I had forgotten the book about adult gifted people I had been reading. Yes, this is my life. My life doesn't work effectively with doing anything. Maybe it is related with autism... I am not good at keep on doing one thing steadily. My mood changes unstably. I do what I want next to next. My interest moves from here to there... and at the end I take nothing. Therefore I wonder why this journal has been kept writing by now. It must be a miracle. You might feel suspicious... But if anything in me start working, then I can't stop the thing I have kept on doing.
This evening I had the "danshu" meeting. A person from the hospital in Himeji taught us about "WRAP". "WRAP" means "Wellness Recovery Action Plan". In other words, it suggest us to do the trial of making our "manuals". How to do manage ourselves? You had better writing those clues of yourselves on papers. "When do I feel cheerful?", "When am I in a good mood?", "When am I happy?" etc. And also, We write the triggers as "What would make me/us down?". After those tasks, we should read those manuals if we were in any bad state/unhappy situation. You also have to make trustable friends/members of your families that manual. I thought I should write my manual and show it to my job coach, and my staff of group home. After that presentation, we confessed our stories as usual so I talked about my dream. My dream... I want to be a bridge person who connects this town and the world. Indeed, you may say that "look at yourself again" and "stay awake". And that's right. I need to learn more. English, common sense of this world... But other members said to me as "Good luck!". I am grateful for that. What should I say? I might have to say to them "You too". Life goes on.
