BGM: Akiko Yano - TONG POO
Today I worked late. This morning I attended an online meeting via Facebook as usual. We talked about how to solve our feeling/emotion of tiredness during our working. When we feel it's difficult to keep on working, how to endure that hardship? I said I try to drink a cup of coffee or a bottle of energy drink, or probably play some songs in my head (as the theme song of the movie "Rocky").
I worked late today, and this morning I went to AEON and tried to communicate with my friends on the app LINE to start building our website. Although I had been haunted by a certain feeling of bother, I said to myself this. "NO PAIN, NO GAIN" and "NO RISK, NO REWARD". The main person of this project of building website cheered me (and also scolded me), therefore it gave me a certain power to go on. I thought I had got a great lesson through this project.
But why? Why does this laziness in me stop my pen? I ask this to myself. When in the morning time I try to find something, I usually find there is nothing (at least, on the surface of my mind) - If I find nothing to write on my memo pad, then I accept that fact. And I just write when is today as "2023/11/22", and also record what music I am listening to (For example, now I am listening to Akiko Yano). Or what I had eaten as breakfast, how I am feeling, what is the main news I am interested in... these things can be the first step. Yes, step by step.
A friend of mine suggested us (the autistic friends and me at a LINE group) about the emotion, loneliness. She taught us that there is an interesting book which describes that feeling. I got an idea. Can that loneliness be related to my dear addictive mind/character? And also to the low self-esteem of mine? TBH, as I had written yesterday in this journal, I have really low self-esteem in my mind. I must be an idiot, a creep, a hentai, etc.
But, at least, since 40 I started changing myself bit by bit. Sorry! It has become too long.