BGM: Primal Scream - 5 Years Ahead Of My Time
Today I worked late. This morning I went to the food court at AEON and wrote my poem as usual. And after that writing, I started using Threads. But I couldn't find what I should post there... After the Twitter had been acquired by Elon Musk, I have quitted using Twitter almost completely. But this is not because of Musk's behavior, but just "there is no special reason why, but my inspiration is disturbing me using". Haruki Murakami would say that "Let's read Dickens instead of using any social media", but I am just a snob so using some pieces of social media. For example, Facebook, Telegram and LINE. But, about Twitter, it is because "There is nothing to share for me" and "I have nothing to declare or complain to the world". I write my long article as a journal on Facebook (on there, long articles are allowed), and chat with my friends on Telegram and LINE. Then I become "empty" therefore I have nothing to output. If I would say something wrongly, then other users would blame me. Then, keeping quietness must be one of the wisest attitude. So I post nothing.
Once I was a real "freak" and "heavy user" of Twitter. It must arrived 100 posts per day at that period. I can't remember what I used to tweet in those days, but it was when I was a heavy drinker therefore I could "bark" loosely and loudly. "Barking" against the Japanese politic, and the boss in my company (but, then I should say my opinion to the boss or other person "directly". You can see that "barking" something on Twitter wouldn't become any good solution). I was a terrible "mad dog". So I had to face some troubles with others, and those disturbed my work. Why? Why had I got "into" Twitter even though I had not been asked by someone, and also I had not gotten any money by that? It could be the "esteem needs" and "I wanna be adored" mentality. In the real world, I am just nobody. But on the internet I can pretend myself as a great leader and "declare" something... But I don't judge that mentality as "That must be coward's one". I think Twitter is still actual as the media to relativize this real world. As an alternative media to change this world... That must be important.
We can become more cynical to speak like this. "Indeed, Haruki doesn't use any social media but he writes his novel to express himself. That must be related with his 'esteem needs'". Then, we should ask if the "esteem needs" and "I wanna be adored" must be bad. I don't want to judge that kind of "needing to be understood by someone". Once I tried to become strong enough to live alone. Therefore I had lived a really hard life. But now, I feel that "I am supported by someone" and "Other people can afford my existence". If we use the social media, then we have to consider the other people's existences. If we post something, that would be read by someone naturally (if we don't need to do so, we should "lock" our accounts). So it is truly natural to share something with thinking other people's eyes/existences. But if we keep on thinking about that permanently, then we would have to shoulder "a certain tiredness of social media". I can remember that I had kept using Twitter with struggles. I couldn't quit using... then something in me must have been changed.
At last, it depends on what we seek for in the social media or on the internet. Some people can try to "declare" or "give any presentation" to the many audience. It must be a natural way of using. Once I was the person who did so many loud presentations... But now, I never think that I want to be famous or increase the number of followers. Of course, I wish I could increase readers of my poems. But, probably the period I had started attending the "danshu" meeting, I could make the boiled "esteem needs" decreased. Now I don't have any tiredness of social media, and also the desire of being buzzed were gone. That could be good. Indeed, accepting the current state could be one of the evidence of becoming aged. But this is just beyond my control. I never say that "Quit Twitter because it is foolish". We can do any foolish activities to enjoy/decorate our life. I guess that following the inner voice and trying to seek for what I need is important. But, because I am just an easy-going autistic person, I would post 200 things per a day on Threads next month...
