BGM: Cornelius - 無常の世界
TBH recently I have not used Twitter so frequently. But don't worry about this. Nothing had happened to me as troubles. I just have nothing to share in public nowadays, and stopped for a while. One of the reasons I use that kind of social media is that I want to enjoy chitchatting (we Japanese call this kind of conversation as "kuudan", which can be translated as "empty talk"). Just like wounded animals lick each other... But I can see that I can enjoy that chitchat on Discord etc, and also I can find that my REAL relationship/connection has been becoming richer enough. So now I don't feel that Twitter's atmosphere is so friendly (Indeed, my friends are so aggressive for me to enable that controversial mood). If I say something foolish, they will punish me... so I can't even say my taste of music easily. I need not to speak something frankly. But I also can't stay still with thinking like Haruki Murakami who says "Let's quit social media, and read Dickens!". TBH I resistered Threads... but I can't see what I should post there so have done nothing. Should I post how my reading of Sartre "Nausea" is going on?
Today was a day off for me. This morning I had an online meeting of English conversation. We enjoyed chatting in English. We made various examples by using the phrase "catch up with". I made "I can't understand recent music so wanna catch up with young people". And I learned from other people's talking that they try to improve their English by various ways. For example, they use an app Tandem, etc. Their attitudes are really positive, and keep on doing efforts to move forward steadily "to catch up with other members". I have to follow them. I shouldn't be stop learning. Practice makes perfect... I say this "uncool" but "important" quote to myself again. I can't speak English fluently at once. Believing the possibility/potentiality in me, and enjoying every growth I can have made... I need to take time to move on forward step by step.
This afternoon I went to the library and borrowed Ryuichi Sakamoto's new book "How many more times will you watch the full moon rise?". Reading it with the Goldmund's music after taking a nap, I found that I should treat him as a tough, strong, and also tender person. I need to follow him because he has a really great vitality (This might sound like Nietzsche, but I find that he has a certain "will to live"). Indeed, he showed in this book how he had been shocked by the news of the cancer he had gotten. But this book also tells that he was basically a man with a creative mind/will. He kept on positive attitude and moved so actively. Living the life he had been given, and also enjoying fully to the end... I thought I need to follow this person as a pioneer of mine. And also I thought about a memoir about me I had thought I should write (but I had been busy recently so couldn't write anything actually). I remember... when I was a college student, other people wrote "Kedamono (this is a Japanese word which says "beast")" on my body with permanent marker (I guess). Yes, a silly graffiti... I want to write this as an episode. I need to write steadily!
This evening I had thought that I would have an online meeting on Thursdays. But after having dinner, I slept unconsciously so couldn't enjoy it. C'est la vie. I tried to read Sartre's "Nausea" or Kurt Vonnegut's short stories but couldn't enjoyed them too. I spent my time lazily. Suddenly, I wanted to enjoy Cornelius's new album "夢中夢" so tried it. TBH I have never tried that album because I had felt that his albums are not friendly to the amateurs like me (but I like his "Fantasma"). His albums have been too cool for me to enjoy as easy listening.. But I find that "夢中夢" has really profound sound so lets me quiet. I remember this (this is just my opinion). Once when I watched/read the comments for him about the school bullying he had committed, I thought that "Indeed, bullying should be prohibited but this kind of atmosphere which enables him being blamed so terribly like this must be bad for me, at least". Yes, this can sound too roughly but it seems Cornelius started making his albums again like this after that bashing. His attitude is also positive. The people I had met in this morning's meeting, Ryuichi Sakamoto, and Cornelius. They are all positive, therefore I want to follow them!