BGM: Cutemen - Love Deeep Inside
Today I worked late. I read Toshiaki Kosakai's "Phantom of God" a little this morning and found it thrilling. He writes that we can choose our death. We can die if we want. Of course, in my opinion, this discussion has a critical weakness. I can't say "you can die" to the people who wish for their death, who want to choose their death. Because they would have regretted their decision. You might have a lot of regret about the past decision you did. We can make mistakes, and that is the meaning of being human beings. I want to seek for another word for the people who wish their death. But I don't want to blame this author. It has great worth. Don't feel it, fight it.
I thought of the words "While there is life there is hope". "Whatever will be, will be". Once the doctor of the clinic said to me that "someday good luck comes to you". That kind of "luck" can have a great role in our life? Talking that to the people who should face their miserable situation... Good luck will come. But it's cruel, isn't it? Our life depends on our luck? Then life is basically nonsense, isn't it? I thought this.
Once Chesterton said that "The most incredible thing about miracles is that they happen". Me, I met my friends fatally at 40, and I started writing memos in English and also face my autism. So it might be true that our life is like a lottery. We say that "Do the likeliest, and God will do the best". Life might depend on our luck. Then I want to do my best, and not rely on my luck. This must sound like a paradox, but that's a life I guess.
"Atmosphere is the thing we breathe, not what we read" I can remember these words from a friend of mine. I can't read the atmosphere so can understand this quote's meaning. I basically can't do any small talk because of autism, so I have to live as an alien. Then I choose to be the first penguin in our group. I believe in my potential power as Number Girl sings. I am just a student of philosophy so I naturally doubt everything, therefore it is difficult. But life is wonderful because it has many chances of miracles. Or I should say that our life is basically a miracle!