BGM: Ryuichi Sakamoto "Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence"
Today I read a book after a long time. It's Akira Abe's "A Simple Life", with music by The Sea and Cake from Chicago. TBH (indeed, every morning I feel this) I thought I didn't want to go to work or never go out of bed. I felt such a negative feeling, but today was a fine day and this great novel made me calm. It was a kind of self-portrait (we Japanese call this kind of novel "shi-shousetsu") by the author in the middle of his 40s. Everywhere in this novel, I can find some humor and sadness of middle age. I also feel that "what was my life?" so this reading was incredible.
I notice that I can't judge a lot of things because I have not lived enough. Once I believed seriously that this age would stop doing me a lot of things, therefore I should give up almost everything. Staying young is sublime... Oh, I remember the movie "Forrest Gump". "Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get". This is from that movie. Yes, it is a really clear truth. But I lived until this age with experiencing several things like reading pages carefully with staying sober, so I can feel that quote deeply. The things I have done past days will come back now, and create my future.
I guess that Fishmans' music made my policy of life. They sing that "I never want to live sublime days/I never". I remembered this feeling. I also don't want those incredible things would happen and change everything. I just think that a little but certain happy thing would happen. That kind of "warm water" happiness is the thing I want to enjoy. Today I felt sympathy with Akira Abe's that novel told me that "warm water" happiness every day. Indeed, now some people enjoy World Cup fever and I won't treat it as a banal thing.
Today during work I met an elder ex-coworker. She is now over 80, and near 90 but seems still great. I worked hard with her teaching from 20 years ago. I lived in that era exactly. After working, I drank a lot because of stress and lived as a drunken poet like Bukowski. Now I just want to live a normal life. I don't want to be famous. I do what I should do and enjoy that process. I want to live with the feeling of sunshine and Akira Abe's novel's goodness.
